There are times in (my) life when I need to hit the delete button. Sometimes they are big deletes, like resigning from a job, or tiny deletes, like sorting out a wardrobe and throwing old T-shirts out.
Today I’m deleting my blog.
Such deletes are not random.Whenever a pattern in my life emerges, there emerges also an undercurrent that wants to undo it. Once the undercurrent becomes a river, I resort to self-destructing a little by removing things from my life.
I’ve often thought that this was a form of stupidity or inability to stay the course. But I have learned that it is a lot better than that. It is a strong desire for freedom. The freedom to move into the direction that I want. The freedom to move on.
Six years ago I quit a high flying job. It was physically and emotionally slowly destroying me. In the aftermaths I had lunch with a business partner who told me something very simple and very true.
When you remove something from your life, like a job, you create a vacuum.
Nature abhors a vacuum and something will fill it soon enough.
Right now I am a consultant doing temporary work at a big company. The contract expires in June and will probably be renewed until December. After that, I have no idea. My wife worries about this and it should worry me. Where she sees the threat of loss of income, I see freedom and opportunity.
I started this blog in February 2003 after watching Julia & Julia on a plane. After that, I wanted what she had: fun with writing and a new venture. This Genetic Fractals blog did exactly that for me. Like Julia, I met some great people here and that contact and these exchanges were the very best part of having a blog.
You’ll know by now that Genetic Fractals is also a mathematical research project into a special type of fractals that – according to me – underpin much of the natural processes around us. That project has stopped and started since I came up with the concept in 2011. I’m stopping this research too but I’m sure that in my subconscious mind I will continue to observe and analyse and one day – be it a year or ten – I will pick it up again. It’s a hobby project; my life doesn’t depend on it.
So why delete the blog? For no other reason than that spring is reminding me that it is time to do something new. What, I don’t know. First I’ll create the vacuum and the rest will follow. It could be anything but it will be something.
I can only end this by thanking you as sincerely as I can. Your visits have been the highlight of my days and I will continue to pay you visits – I’m not leaving the planet as the dolphins did in the 4th book of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, whilst singing:
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
But I will thank you, for all the fish and more.